Ok I figured out of curteousy I would warn everyone once that Im religious, but now that its up Im not ashamed, and hope someone reads it to talk with me about it. Not argue, but to discuss. Also everything I say in one of these is 100% true, no skimping, no made up fantasies... pure cold reality.


First thing is first... Im extremely blessed... in more ways than I can possibly begin to start uttering, however one of the large ways I have been blessed is that at this point in my life I have Emily by my side... not physically yet... still twelve more days for that, but just she calls me hers and I call her mine. She has kept me sane through some of the more difficult times of my life, and for that I can never express enough thanks, along with she kept me close to God, refusing to allow my psuedointellectualism to try to run me away. Thank you my love, my dearest, my partner, my angel.


Ok so three years now is when I decided this ultimately, a brief history of my life would include being raised in the Church of God every other weekend, and the Lutheran church on the other ones.... so it was a slightly confusing doctrine mix he he, by the time I was 12 I became obsessed with a girl, who kinda just played with my head for about a little under six years... the worst part being that i let her, also about 15 I decided God was a sham... id seen to much horror, experienced to much hate, heard so much slander from people IN the church about other churches, tasted too much blood, and felt too much just plain wrong to believe a god could possibly exist, let alone a "caring and loving one." Well about the time I decided this, my mom took my siblings and I up to her latest boyfriends house... and he took us hiking. Never mind the asshole decided NOT to give us backpacks, walkie talkies, water, food, or any supplies of any kind *grrs* So we start hiking, and everything is fine and dandy before I, knowing everything about everything being a whole 15, took off ahead of the group to hike ahead, eventually the boyfriend caught up and told me that they were headed back but I could keep going if i felt like it. I came to a place called "Devil's Bathtub" looked at it decided it was just a stupid natural pool and continued onward, after following the stream of water that fed the bathtub, I found a trail again that led up to a small clearing where several people on four wheelers were gathered. Thankful for the company I halted there while I waited to get dry, they talked about their plans for the day, asked me some small talk and eventually I went along my way once they decided to head out and finished with a prayer. I walked along for several hours enjoying the scenery and listening to the peace, I came to another clearing and starting marching in the midmorning and now seeing the sun dip below the tree line I thought it would be a good idea to turn around and go back seeing as I was incredibly thirsty along with pretty hungry, and had been walking ALL day and was tired... well I turned to behold the fact that the path branched off into roughly seven different paths... I was incredibly discouraged but decided to take one of them, after wandering around for another hour or so... I ended up back where I had came from. I picked another and walked along before coming to another multiple fork... I was starting to hallucinate, if I remember correctly I saw small sprite like creatures, and some fun things like that, it was also really starting to get dark... and thats not something you want to do.. be lost in the woods at dark that is... well I keep wandering and keep getting even more lost... until a small voice in my head (yes I hear voices, no I'm not schizo) told me that I was being prideful and that someone was trying to tell me something. Well I continued on stubbornly until my legs could carry me no further, it was becoming difficult to see and I just wanted to die, the voice said the same thing and I finally fell on my knees and begged. Begged God to forgive me for my insolence, begged God to intervene and save me, begged him to just let me back to him... for some reason people always seem to be more religious when they think they are going to die... well almost exactly as I finished my prayer, my solitude and silence was broken by a distant roar, that eventually turned into an growling whine which I soon recognized as a four wheeler motor.
Not joking at all, turns out one of them saw my mom, and brought me up... my mom then asked if they had seen me since, since I had not returned back to the car, so they came to find me... a little search and rescue. Well they thanked me for getting lost, seeing as they had a valid reason to drive on some of the roughest terrain they had ever seen ( It was private property but rescuing someone made it all right ) They had some extra water, and jerky for me, and as you see I didn't in fact die. But I felt God's presence, I felt his comfort, and those wonderful youth group members saved my ass and for that I thank them immensely. But thats when I really really did decide to dedicate my heart to my lord God.